Someone of us live our entire life not realizing that we have not had a real sexual experience. I mean a pure explosion of ecstasy and release. Orgasm? What is that?
This all stems from sexual blocks. What is our belief about sex? Yes, it’s everywhere and you can see it by just turning on the TV but that doesn’t mean it stimulates you the way that it is intended to. Many of my sexual blocks come from my belief system growing up. Sex was demonize and you had to be married to have sex. Let’s be real, what percentage of the population are virgins before marriage? This was never a realistic conversation between my parent and I growing up. It was just taught, don’t do it unless you are married. Of course, being rebellious, I still had sex. The first time was when I was 17 but I had explored my body since I was 12 and was ashamed of it. SHAME! Oh the scarlet letter I wore. Then, I tried to get married twice, just so I could feel “good” about having sex.
That is where my sexual block comes from– shame and guilt. Who doesn’t like to have sex? And if you don’t, you might need to look into your own blocks. Even writing about sex, as a christian writer, seems so taboo. Should I be preaching– abstain from your sexual desires? I don’t believe I should. Everything God made is good, He made sex so it is good so should we be wise about it– of course. In my sexual rebellion, I was promiscuous. I indulged in sex as an addict needing to get a fix. I had sex to avoid my problems. I had sex to make me feel better. And all this added to my sexual block of guilt and shame. Two things I still hold on to today. Even when I am with a man that I deeply care about, sex comes with anxiety and feelings of being “bad” because I enjoy sex. Then the problem comes that I never feel a total release because even though physically I have orgasmed, mentally I am still held captive. Let’s not talk about the shame I feel after sex. Your partner not only can make a physical deposit in you, He/She is dumping every soul tie they have into to you. So in my promiscuity, there was so much junk left for me when the other person moved on. Talk about some issues.
RESENTMENT is another source of sexual block. Resentment towards every person I laid with, expecting something to come out of our experience together (because if you have sex, they’re your boyfriend/girlfriend now, right). RESENTMENT towards my parents for not teaching me about sex the way I felt like I needed to. RESENTMENT towards society for placing these unrealistic expectations in my head. Most of all resentment towards myself because I knew better but I didn’t do better. I let rebellion become more important than my healing.
So what do I do to get rid of a sexual block?
- Confront my past and the pain that is associated with sex
- Respect my body as a temple and my womb as sacred
- Let go of SHAME
In confronting my past and the things that have framed my sexual experiences, I learn to let go of shame. Then in respecting my womb, I understand that the act of sex, created by God, is sacred. It is suppose to be an amazing thing. So in respect, I choose a partner who also respects the almost ceremonial tying of souls. Seems really simple right. Not at all. So the first step is taking it easy on myself. Self-compassion defeats shame, always. Self- love helps you understand your worth and that you are special enough to have a sacred space. You are worthy of cherishing your body and treating it as a temple. It’s okay to say I like sex. I really do. Own it! At the same time Honor it. Respect it!