I am afraid!
Yes, yes. God has not given us a spirit of fear etc, etc. Despite that ever present reminder, fear still walks right through the door and sits on my heart.
What am I afraid of? I think the fear of inadequacy covers it all.
This week was a bit of a tough week. I get a call from my boss telling me that there were two complaints about me. The complaints were not about my job performance rather things that people overheard and thought were inappropriate. I got a quick slap on the wrist and a reminder that as a person in my position, I have no friends and I have to present myself in a certain way.
Although there is some truth in this statement, why did this criticism hit my soul and bring up all the anxieties and fears I have that cause me to be insecure.
Fear that I can’t trust others and that no one believes in me or my abilities to perform. Fear that everyone is judging me and talking about me. Fear about the type of world we live in where people want to see you fail. Fear that as a woman, I am looked at differently.
Fear turns into anger and resentment. I honestly did not want to come back to work today. Let’s be honest we all have been there.
Call it dramatic, but for a quick second I thought about quitting my job or taking a demotion because it was just too hard. I didn’t want to be polished or groomed. I just wanted to be me. Yes, a little immature thinking but that’s where fear drove me and that’s exactly where the devil wanted me to be.
As I sat and thought about what set me running for the hills, I remember, fear only exists if you allow it to. There is no fear if you do not believe there is anything to be afraid of. I literally had to sit down and say “Fear, you are not welcome here!” “Anger, you are not welcome here” “Resentment, get out!”.
When something happens throughout your day that causes you to take a journey down a backwards road, just remember you are in control of your reaction to whatever it is that is trying to hinder you. Fear will keep you from fulfilling your destiny. It will keep you in a box and you will never venture out to see what God has for you.
I want you hear from you all. Please share your experiences.