I have been single for about two months now and I find myself missing being in love. How does that even happen? And does that mean I am more infatuated with the idea and the feeling of being in love than the actual person? And what about my love for God? Shouldn’t that be enough to where I don’t miss being in love? I may just be attracted to romance. Flowers, phone calls just to say “I love you”, going out on dates, feeling like you’re the only person who matters. None of that matters though if you’re so wrapped up in this idea that you miss out on the connection you have with a person. Have I spent this short amount of life that I’ve had not knowing what love really is? Have I been blinded by infatuation and romanticism? Living in a fairy tale world where the world revolves around me? Did I miss out on learning to truly love that person?
There are so many questions going through my mind and self-realization that causes me to reevaluate the relationships I have had in the past. My model of love was based more off of what the world says it is than what God desires it to be. Love God first and then all things will come together right? My life revolved around loving a man first, then myself, then God. Totally out of order. I have not got to the place where my effort is solely focused on loving God. That sounds horrible but it’s real. I am however not going to get into a serious relationship until I love God first. The responsibility is too great to just ignore the signs the God has given me. How can you guard and protect someone else heart when you don’t have God to support you and guide you in doing that?
Trust God. Seek God. LOVE God. and everything will fall into place.